Not since I got bowled for a duck, cracked the sads, and then stormed off down Riversdale road from my U12s cricket game has playing sport brought me to tears.

But somehow since adding expectations to my running, Lisbon drew parallels to Highfield Park.

My goal for years has been to run 21.1km in under 80 minutes (3:47min/km), and when I arrived in Portugal I felt ready.

I needed to shave 2 minutes off my PB from the 2022 Melbourne Half-Marathon to do this. I was meticulous with my training and my nutrition, but when it came to race day, quite frankly I shat the bed.

And it bloody stung.

But then I realised it actually might be an important bump in the road to hit my goal.

The 2023 Lisbon EDP Half-Marathon taught me a very tough lesson about how NOT to race a half-marathon.

So here’s a walkthrough of how I dissect my race to understand ‘where did I fuck up?’ and ‘how can I make sure it never happens again?’

Step 1: Document

I hate solving the same problem twice, which means documenting has become my best friend. Some of my best decisions have started with reading a reflection from 2 years prior (I started journaling regularly in 2020).

I use Notion to store, categorise, and search for all my journaling.

These blogs are a reminder to myself of what to do next time I fail.

Your future self will thank you when you want a head start and you already have a post-game analysis to tell you where to begin.

Step 2: Zoom out

Frustrated-sulky-Reuben is zero chance of ever breaking 80. So for me to get back to ‘LFG-Reuben’ I needed to zoom out. This means looking at the bigger picture.

At this point, I’m still a racing beginner. It was only the 2nd time in 9 years I had completed a full training program, and my third go at running for a specific time.

First race attempt, I hit my goal of sub-1:30 - 1:28:51 (2014)

Second race attempt, I hit my goal of sub-1:24 - 1:22:02 (2022)

Third race attempt,I missed my goal of sub-1:20 - 1:25:40 (2023)

In the grand scheme of all the running races I’ll do in my life, I’m still early.

I’ve played 243 games of cricket, but don’t expect to score a century every innings.

Yet in three serious digs at a half-marathon, it seems like I’m trying to ton up every race.

Running has become the activity I can see myself doing for the next decade. There’s still time for me to hit my goal in this lifetime, and this failure might just be an important lesson on the road to hitting my goal.

Perhaps I had unrealistic expectations and a healthy bout of perfectionism. But for me to take the first step in using this experience positively, I needed to zoom out and remember it’s just one race on the road to breaking 80.

When thinking about the grand scheme of things, the fundamental questions I began with were:

1. How long have you been working towards your goal?

2. How many attempts have you made to hit your goal?

3. How long in your life do you have left to hit this goal?

These questions allowed me to realise I am relatively inexperienced, perhaps you still have time on your side, and that learning from your failed attempt is an important step in reaching your goal.

Out of the dumps and into a growth mindset quicker, ready to take the next right step.

You’re not a failure, maybe just a beginner.

But what is the next right step?

Step 3: Analyse

The beauty of running is there’s a lot of data available. If your goal is less obviously quantifiable, look for ways you can measure your inputs and outputs. The more you document things, the better comparisons you get, and the better your improvements become.

I broke the analysis of my race into two parts, ‘preparation’ and ‘execution’ and compared it with my PB race in 2022.

When I looked at my preparation for the Half-Marathon I found these comparisons vs 2022:

In preparation for Lisbon 2023 vs Melbourne 2022, I ran more kilometres, did more interval training, tested faster, and had more race-week rest. In fact, in the lead-up to Melbourne 2022 I remember just running for the fun of it and doing the opposite for a taper, naively thinking it’d help.

On paper, I thought (at the very least!) I could match my PB. But when I looked at my execution, it became obvious where I went wrong.

To summarise the race:

It started hot.

Not only because of the heat, I ran the first 10km in 37:06 (new PB), a full minute quicker than the first 10km in Melbourne 2022 (a PB at the time). But the Lisbon course had an elevation gain of +60 in the first 3.5km, in Melbourne, it was +8 for a slight hill in the first km.

The unexpected hill (always check the course!!!) meant my heart rate was at 180 bpm by kilometre 2, whereas in Melbourne, my HR built up to 155 bpm by 8km, 168 bpm by km 9 and 179 by km 10.

On the backstretch, it got ugly.

In Lisbon, I ran the second 10km through empty streets which offered little encouragement in 43:22 (6:14 slower than first 10km). I was cooked by the 12km mark. When someone tried to encourage me to run with them I couldn’t keep the pace

Whereas in Melbourne, I ran the second 10km through a packed St Kilda Rd with the thought of my friends at the end as motivation, and found someone to push me other through the second 10km in 38:23 (almost identical to the first 10km).

To put it lightly: In Lisbon I went out too hard.

But why did this happen? And what was the impact of it?

One reason, the race time got pushed forward by 90 minutes with 12 hours notice (I found out when I woke up). And in the rush to get to the start line on time, the adrenaline was pumping and I took off feeling frantic.

Another reason, I didn’t check the course. I assumed it was flat. So when I flew over the top of a 60m hill at a pace probably too quick for a flat course, I burnt the fuck out.

My watch has a fast/slow alert to help me run consistently, and I actively ignored it in the first 5km thinking I needed to ‘get ahead’ so I’m not chasing time later. In pursuit of getting ahead, I also chose to follow a group that was way too quick for me.

By km 12 I was absolutely gassed. The previous year, I remember saying ‘stick to your race Reuben’ and let a fast group go past me - time to listen to my own advice!

When diving into Strava, I was blown away by the impact on my heart rate. In Melbourne my maximum HR for the entire race was 186 bpm, and in 2023 I was running at 180 bpm almost immediately. This is ~95% of my Max HR. No wonder I only held it for 45 minutes.

When trying to analyse my performance and find out ‘WHY did I get this result?’, here’s how I approached it:

1. Analyse preparation vs execution

2. Analyse all the data available

3. Decipher what went well and what didn’t go well?

Jerry Seinfeld does this in comedy. When he thinks of a new joke, he field tests it in small comedy clubs before taking it on tour. He says the beauty of stand up comedy is that “100% of the feedback is accurate.”

Unless you know where you went wrong, it’s impossible to know what step to take next. Now that I have a clear view of my run, it’s easier to be smarter about what to do next.

Step 4: Make changes

Although it’s wonderful I reached a new height in fitness, it sucks I didn’t know how to use it on race day. So I’ll be formulating a plan of attack.

Next time I run an unfamiliar course, I’ll be driving or running it in advance so I can plan accordingly, setting checkpoint goals, and keeping an eye on my heart rate going over any hills to make sure I don’t blow up before the end.

To keep it short, I’ll be running my own race.

But I won’t be changing too much from my program. My 10km testing time improved, and I ran a 10km PB over a hill! That part can stay.

When thinking about what changes to make, my fundamental questions are:

1. What part of my preparation or execution needs the most attention?

2. What changes would lead to the most significant improvement?

The blessing and curse of being a type-A person who subjects themselves to expectations meant I had to be consoled by my girlfriend at the finish line (then pretend I was fine when a friend from Melbourne appeared unexpectedly - nowhere is safe to wallow)

At first, I thought what a waste of time training through France, Morocco, Spain and Portugal when I could have been out seeing the world.

But once the gloom faded, I felt proud of the work I put in.

Although I didn’t get the time I wanted, this goal represented 12 weeks of training 4-5 times a week whilst travelling to new places and running a business.

Something that took a lot of time management and discipline (kudos to athletes who make this their entire life).

In the process, I ran my second-fastest time, and prepared in spectacular settings, including sunset interval sessions on the mountain ridge of Eze overlooking the French Riviera, and peak weeks in the hills of Tossa de Mar in Spain.

One day I’m sure I’ll wish my body moved like it used to, so I’m grateful running is a goal I’m currently able to pursue.

Given my error in the execution, I’m tempted to find another race soon while I’ve still got the fitness under my belt.

But for now, I’m on the south coast of Turkey, doing a light jog here or there and enjoying a beer with dinner. But when that itch comes back, I know I’ll be better prepared than ever to finally break that damn 80-minute mark.

Go well.

Reuben